i think it's shitty taht i have a so called boyfriend who i love so very much doesn't love me back and doesn't bother to call me on christmas day or spend time with me. then when i do in touch with him we talk for roughly 5 minutes, he says he's going to call me right back, calls my brother's cell phone back, talks to him for 15 mins and then tells my brother to tell me to call him tomorrow. why? i dont know why i let him treat me this way. i dont know why i feel like that's all i can get. i dont know why after a year this shit is still getting to me. maybei dont care deep down inside. i hate it. i hate the feeling of not being wanted.

very merry fuckin christmas. if i tell him how he does he just gets mad and it doesnt get us anywhere but just arguing back and forth. i want someone who willa ctually be good to me. someone who will want to hear what i have to say, someone who wants to know all about my fucked up past and childhood and all the fucked up shit that i have been through. someone who remembers my birthdate and my age. someone who just loves me.i'm tired of crying about him allt he time. but then god, we can have the best times together. we were gettign along soo good and hadnt fought in i dont know how long but now it's back to the same shit. why why why why why whyw hwy why??? excuse my typis..i've had some tequila and some other shit. maybe thats wh;y i'm crying so much?FUCK YIOU WILLIAM FUCK YOU WILLIAM FUCK U WILLIAM FUCK YOU WILLIAM FUCKK YOU WILLIAM FUCK YOU WILLIAM FUCK YOU WILLIAM FUCK YOU WILLIAM FUCK YOU WILIAMK FUCK U WILIAM